ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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