All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
