There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she peed on how many people?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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