I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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