I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
