Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
