2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
