i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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