Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
