let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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