I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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