That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
