my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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