I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
