best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In other news, I just burned my penis
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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