Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
