just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
