Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
