I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
