distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
