They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
