Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
