Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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