im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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