just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
