Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
