Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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