I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
where does the pee come out of this thing
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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