why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
