I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
