You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Pooping to opera.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize