Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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