You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
