I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
