Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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