Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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