bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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