Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
