I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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