ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
