who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
