Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
