i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
