me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
