I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
