he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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