A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
