I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
