so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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