Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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