I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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