So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
