11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
