Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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