Im at strip club and am horny
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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