Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
