i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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