i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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