Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
