Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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