I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
