Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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