And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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