I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
